Raising a teenager doesn’t have to be a constant battle. Kids don’t enjoy fighting with their parents, but even the best-behaved teens can flare up and lash out at the ’rents from time to time, and being understanding doesn’t mean you have to tolerate disrespect and dangerous behavior. Keep your temper and manage the occasional (or frequent) explosions by following this advice:
- Accept that conflict is natural. You don’t always get along with your co-workers, your spouse, or your own parents, so you’ll naturally have a certain amount of conflict with your children (at any age). Don’t expect them to adhere to an unrealistic model of “obedient” behavior.
- Show that you’re listening. Teens want your understanding and respect even if they disagree with you. Make an effort to really hear what they’re trying to tell you. If they feel they’ve gotten an honest hearing, they’ll more readily accept a decision they don’t like.
- Adopt some rules of engagement. Some types of behavior when arguing should be off limits. You and your teen should agree to hear each other out without interrupting, for instance. Cursing and shouting should be forbidden, violent behavior can’t be tolerated, and so forth.
- Avoid negative labels. Never call your teen lazy, stupid, irresponsible, etc. Focus on his or her behavior and why it’s a problem. Don’t criticize his or her personality.
- Emphasize your love. The rules you set should be designed for your child’s safety, not to implement military-style discipline on your family. When children see that your goal is to keep them safe, they’ll understand where you’re coming from. You’ll be able to discuss the issue more rationally.
- Remember what your teen is going through. The teenage years are when kids start to develop their own sense of independent identity. They’re testing themselves—and you—by trying different attitudes and behaviors on for size. Show a little tolerance.
[Article first appeared in the July 2011 issue of Family Times published by Play-a-Round Golf. Each issue is filled with informative information, coupons, and entertaining articles for you. To get your copy, just email your mailing address to starter@playaroundgolf.net.]
